Thursday, 25 February 2010

The end

Today I reach the end. My world never stretched beyond this. My plans never really considered a moment past this day. Tomorrow I reach the end, and all I know is that I’m working a night shift on Sunday. In a way it’s exciting, but at the same time it’s the most daunting step I ever took. Moving to Loughborough and starting uni were nothing in comparison to this.

I’ve been pretending to be a grown-up all week. I’ve called people to arrange accommodation and storage of my excess stuff (back to living out of a bag…); I’ve cleaned ovens and packed up pans; I’ve worked night shifts to compensate for the fewer hours I’ll be able to work this week. I’ve written newsletters and emailed trusts with the aim of furthering my career. But all the time I still feel like a little girl. Do we ever grow up? Or do we just keep playing more and more complex roles?

I was reflecting on this last night as I struggled to stay awake in those early hours. The toughest thing is that two of my best friends are moving away on the same day, and I’m really not sure what I’ll do without them. Andy and Scot have been rocks to me over the past three years… And at that point I heard a little voice say, “I AM your Rock. I always have been. I always will be.”

Every ending is just a new beginning, right? Tonight we were at the City Church “Family Conference” and there are more changes afoot, more ‘rocks’ are shaking. Not in a bad way; I think we’re just being shaken off the little stones that we thought were so solid and landing on the Rock that will never change. I’m not the only one who’s reached the edge. I’m not the only one who feels like everyone is leaving all at once. I am loved on this earth as well as from above.

One of my favourite ever songs is ‘Eternal God’ by the one and only Dave Hadden. It’s Old School- like, really- but it’s awesome. It reminds me of being a little girl, when everything was simple (Was it? Really?):

Though the earth should tremble and the oceans roar
And the mountains slip into the sea;
I shall not fear any harm, with your powerful arms around me.

I worship You, Eternal God
I worship You, the Unchanging One
Before the angels ever sang one song
Before the morning star had ever shone
You were on Your throne,
Eternal God

Though men’s kingdoms crumble and the nations rage
And rulers and kings come and go;
Yours is the Kingdom unshaken, and You’ve never forsaken Your own!

I worship You, Eternal God
I worship You, the Unchanging One
Before the angels ever sang one song
Before the morning star had ever shone
You were on Your throne,
Eternal God


So tomorrow, as I step off the edge of my life as I knew it, I am trusting in the everlasting arms that will catch me before I hit the ground. I’ve seen very little of any Indiana Jones film ever, but I’m just reminded of the ‘step of faith’ in one of them (dunno which one?) – that’s what I need!



To old endings, and new beginnings. Cheers.

4 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Hello,

    I came across your blog while I was trying to remember the words from Eternal God. I searched on Google and your entry was the only match I could find. I'm glad I'm not the only one in the world who remembers this song.

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  3. I was searching the song you posted because it came to my mind this morning. We have Hurricane Earl approaching in Virginia, USA
    You have a great blog

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  4. Great, I'm glad it was able to help. Have been thinking of you in Virginia this past week!

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