Destination Domestication

I'm not sure what's in the air; whether it's my impending wedding, cabin fever from having time off and commitments slimmed down, or if I'm just becoming old. But I have become increasingly 'domestic' over the past month. 'Domestic Goddess' is a wild exaggeration and the thought of Proverbs 31 is enough to bring me out in cold sweats, but I'm giving it a good go. I have picked strawberries and made jam; I've baked cakes for birthdays and just because someone was coming round; I've made stock from old chicken bones. 

On Tuesday my brother came to stay, so with all of these conquests in mind, I decided to try something new for dinner. Chicken pie sounded nice and easy, and in one of Jamie Oliver's 'everyone can cook' books, there's a recipe for a quick and simple recipe. Great. Monday night I caught Morrisons just before closing time (and had to run home for my purse, but that's another story) and bought a kilo of chicken leg & thigh, various veg and some pastry. I was up early in the morning ready to go. 

The meat needed to be skinned and de-boned, so somewhat hesitantly I set about trying to separate the component parts. I have yet to meet anyone who enjoys dealing with raw chicken, but this was a task apart. Ten minutes and a couple of morsels wrestled off, it was too much. Into a boiling pot it went, and soon the cooked (and very hot) meet was being gingerly picked apart as I burned the nerve endings off my fingertips. Asbestos fingers don't just happen: you have to work on them! Suffice to say the pie mix wasn't ready before I left for play scheme that morning.

Five Minute Friday

I like creative writing. In the olden days, when the internet was new and the word 'blog' didn't yet exist, I had a 'livejournal' which was a cross between a blog and a social network, really. Amidst the general teenage angst there were lots of groups dedicated to developing writing as a skill, where you would write a stream of consciousness, based on a single word or concept, for a set number of minutes. I really enjoyed taking part, and have thought back to them infrequently, but have never found anything similar since.

Until this week. I've been browsing through this blog: catch a single thought and the lovely Jess had a feature called "Five Minute Friday" which in a nutshell is what I've just described! So I'm going to give it a go this Friday, and probably not next Friday or the one after that because I'll be away, but maybe the Friday after that, and we'll see how it goes. I might discover a hidden talent; I might write lots of nonsense.

The structure and topic comes from here. The rules are this:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word. 
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Go and comment on the post of the person who linked up before you. This is the one rule of this community.


Today's topic is: Lonely

Lonely is a funny thing. It can be in a crowd or on your own. Loneliness can feel different too. I know Lonely. It's racking your brain for someone you can tell a secret, or a fear, or some exciting news to. It's realising that in all the busyness, in all the activity and rushing around and doing, you don't know who to call on a rare day off. 

Sometimes Lonely is standing in a room of people, wanting nothing more than to go home. It's walking into a room and wishing you could walk right out again. 

Sometimes it's not about me at all, but the geography. I live in the most densely populated neighbourhood in Western Europe. Lonely is going to stay in the countryside, and feeling the lack of hustle and bustle around you. Sometimes it's just staying in the suburbs!

STOP

Wow, that was a hard one to start with! I'm going to have to brush up on my writing in weeks to come. Gotta start somewhere though. Why not have a try? Let me know if you do!

Excuses

Just come across this post I started writing over 2 years ago. It's still true, so here you go:

When I first started this blog, it wasn't meant to be a "Christian" thing. I was attempting something called "101 in 1001" where you set yourself 101 goals, and aim to achieve them in 1001 days. One of those goals was to keep a diary at least once a week, and I opted for the online sort. I'd had a livejournal when I was at school so figured it would work just the same. But there are a few more limitations to this blog, such as not being able to edit privacy settings on posts, which have changed my usage slightly. But to be honest there is another reason, which is that I find it increasingly difficult to describe my life without relating it to God! I try, but there is no aspect in which He is not fundamentally involved. And so here I am, resigned to the fact that however all-inclusive and accessible I try to be, my faith and love of God are inextricable from my reflections on life. I hope that's okay.

Much more than a month!

Meet Elliot and Buttons. They have been a long-term project of mine. And when I say long-term, I mean REALLY long.

I was given a cross-stitch set by my auntie for my fourteenth birthday, and started it not long after. Over the past twelve years, Elliot (the elephant) and Buttons (the mouse) have made the painstakingly slow journey towards their current framed glory. The progress has gone in fits and starts of course; I'm slow but not that slow! There have been periods where I've worked on it quite frequently, and years at a time when it has sat in a drawer gathering dust. It's a surprisingly complex pattern; I had no idea how many different shades of light grey and off-white existed before I started!

The process of cross-stitching is an inherently fascinating discussion, I am sure you all agree. But for the unconverted among you*, lets bring in some parallels to life. I have recently been listening to people talk about old dreams, things that were vision a long time ago but seem to have gone by the wayside. It reminded me of this.

Sometimes dreams (/visions/goals/whatever your terminology) can be really exciting at first; we see the picture of what is going to happen into the future and can't wait to make it a reality. We set off, stitching row by row, anticipating the end result any time.

But it's a longer process than we expected. There are more obstacles than we ever knew existed. It's funny working to a pattern. You have to trust that everything will work together, because part way through it just looks like random blocks of colour, and doesn't seem to make sense at all!The initial vision and current state of affairs just don't seem to match up. And life gets in the way; surviving takes over for weeks, months, years at a time. Occasionally we look back and think about it, or have a really refreshing experience and move forwards a couple of steps, but ultimately, progress is slow.

I have a real problem with finishing things. Getting to the conclusion of anything is a real challenge for me psychologically.  Once all the cross-stitching is done, the picture needs stitching around to draw in the outline and the detail. The outline is so fiddly but adds real detail and definition to the picture.  This sat in my drawer just awaiting the outline for eighteen months.You might be on the edge of realising your dream; all of the pieces are in place and you can more or less see the end product; let me tell you it's worth going all the way to the real thing!

I've learned a lot in the twelve years since I first unwrapped that present. I have learned that hearts do break, but they mend again. I've learned to be a speech therapist. I've gone from being a child to an adult, I've nearly gotten married! I'm not sure how much any of those things have contributed to my sewing abilities (every parable has it's limits), but they have certainly contributed to my dreams. Dreams that have begun their process but are nowhere near ready yet.

Joseph had a dream. He was going to rule over all of his brothers and parents. The journey from favourite son to ruler took him through slave, manager, prisoner and advisor before he finally saw the dream come to fruition. Each phase was vitally important in producing the man capable of coping with the reality of the position he had seen so long ago.

So what's my point? Partly just to show off a long-term achievement. But partly to encourage you. Don't give up. Don't regret perceived 'wasted' years. Just keep following the pattern and trust in God for the rest.

*This is a joke, I'm aware irony doesn't always come across well in print.

A Month Gone By

I was doing really well and now there has been a whole month without a post. No good!

It's been quite a busy month. This might have to be a life-update post.

At the beginning of October I went to Frankfurt to the 24-7 Prayer Eurogathering. It was an amazing weekend. I went by myself and met some amazing people, learned some incredible stuff and had my mindsets and stereotypes challenged, again. I'm sure there will be lots to come out of that in the months to come.

The following week I had a job interview at the Hollybank Trust. This is an organisation I have wanted to work for ever since I graduated, and when the job was first advertised at the beginning of September, I lost a day's worth of work because I was just so excited about it! So reflecting on Germany was put on hold for a little while as every waking moment was dedicated to interview preparation. And, I got the job! It's the most amazing feeling, but at the same time very surreal. I'm still waiting to get a start date and do induction training and all of that, so it's a funny transition phase where I have a job, but don't have it yet. Can't wait to start!

Since then I have spent time catching up on everything I didn't do whilst preparing for trips abroad/interviews. I've had a hectic month, but things are finally slowing down. Today was an amazing day off- I left the house once, to buy some milk for a cup of tea!

Clocks go back tonight, loving my extra hour's sleep :-)

These Streets

Today, I feel quite saturated. I’ve just come home from visiting 40 children who come to kidz klub, plus their parents, older siblings, younger siblings, friends, friends’ parents, etc… I’ve met a lot of people tonight. I’ve walked a lot of streets. But it’s not a one-off; I rode these streets on a bus on Saturday, collecting and returning children. I was there again on Monday visiting older siblings. Yesterday I spent the evening with those siblings just down the road. On Saturday I’ll see them and the cycle will begin all over again.

I enjoyed today. This bizarre Indian summer weather meant that people were outside, they were happy, and leant a feeling of hope to the beginning of term. I enjoyed playing with children and chatting with parents. I loved meeting new people who were positive about kidz klub. Everything went well and I came home satisfied and happy. Is that why I feel I own these streets tonight, because I’m happy on them? What about when summer fades? When it’s wet and windy, or when someone breaks into the car, or takes issue with something that happened on Saturday? Will I still own these streets then? How deep does my compassion run?

I’ve been thinking recently about where I live, and why I’m here. I am part of a group of people who have all been drawn to this place, to this geographical location for a purpose. There are as many different purposes as there are people in the group. But what is my purpose? Why did I choose to move to this run-down part of town that used to be beautiful, in a crumbling house, with neighbours from every walk of life but my own? The story is a long one that runs far back, but ultimately my purpose is this: to love broken people.

Broken people aren’t always nice. They aren’t always happy to see a person of light. They don’t always feel positive and friendly. I am a broken person, I should know. But in my brokenness I have found a hope and a love that comes from beyond me. I may be afflicted in every way, but I am not crushed; I may be perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but never destroyed. My brokenness has been and is being healed by love.

May the saturation continue, in good times and bad. May I continue to look beyond what my eyes can see to the world just beyond this one. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

I sprinkled a couple of bible references from 1 Corinthians 4 in there- can you find them? I’ve got lots more to say about them in a blog I’ve been meaning to write for a couple of weeks, so watch this space for the details.

A Perfect Afternoon

I was lost in an old world, revisiting times gone by in a book about the Message Trust, a quality bunch of people who shaped my teenage years and are probably responsible for the place in which I find myself today.

"Beep-beep, beep-beep"

A text message brought me back to the present day. Relaxed on my bed, an autumn sun was streaming through the window. Colbie Caillat was playing bubbly, hopeful music. The name on the text made me smile. Today, life is good.